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05:42pm 02/05/2005
  "How do you personally get to the point where you wake up out of your stupor and take charge of your life and do dangerous and scary things?"

- George Lucas

I feel like I should make a big post about my recently becoming unemployed and all that, but the hell with it. I can't really be bothered into going into details and theories and all that shit. Suffice it to say, it really doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as I would have expected it to, and at the risk of dragging out cheesy cliches, if ever there was a time in my life for me to get laid off, this is just about the exact right moment. So don't feel any pity for me (unless it's going to mean pity sex and you have a vagina, or pity booze and you are buying) cause its cool, and there is a damn good chance that it means I will be much better off in my life by the end of this year than I was at the beginning.

(1 follower | drink the koolaid)

the long boring friday   
04:16pm 08/04/2005
  I read this on CNN: 'Star Wars' fans wait at wrong theater.

I guess they are so anxious that they are jumping on any line that they can find. Take a look:

So sad.

(1 follower | drink the koolaid)

i oughta be in pictures   
02:34pm 01/04/2005
  NAME THIS MOVIE CONTEST - Potential Winner Notification

Dear Clemenza88@aol.com:

Congratulations! You have been chosen as the Potential Winner of the "Name This Movie" Contest sponsored by Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.

If you are verified as our Winner, your prize will be a check for one thousand dollars ($1,000).

To be verified as our Winner, please reply to this email at
(...)* within ten (10) business days of receipt of this email with your age, your first and last name, and mailing address (The mailing address must be a street address, no P.O. boxes please). Once we receive your response, we will overnight mail you certain Contest Documents (such as an Affidavit of Eligibility and a Liability/Publicity Release) and these Contest Documents must be completed, signed and returned by you prior to claiming your prize.

Remember, if we do not hear back from you by e-mail within ten (10) business days, we will assume you are forfeiting your prize and an alternate Potential Winner will be selected.

Again, congratulations and we look forward to hearing from you soon.


"Name This Movie" Contest Fulfillment

Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.


yeah, so that's pretty cool, huh? I entered that contest last week (found it here) and got the above email today. I am pretty sure it's the real thing too - I'll update when and if the documents (and the check) arrive.

* - I removed the email address that I had to respond to just so it's not floating out there on the net and someone ends up fucking with it somehow. Not that I don't trust you all, but I leave my journal public, so who knows who could be reading this. (Ask yourself which stands out worse in the preceding - my egotistical belief that that many people would really give a shit about reading my journal, or my rampant paranoia that somehow I would be fucked over by posting the email address? Maybe I can use this prize money to get a therapist.)

(8 followers | drink the koolaid)

02:36pm 23/03/2005
  "Hurry up with the paper, I want to read Liz Smith. I need to know what's going on in the world."

- overheard in the employee cafeteria this afternoon

I hope you all understand now why I hate people.

It makes me think of another good quote:

"...and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."

- The Simpsons

(2 followers | drink the koolaid)

09:40am 15/03/2005
  thanks everyone for the (not my 30th) birthday wishes and way too many drinks for a Monday night, especially when you have to work the next morning. I'm pretty sure I was still a little drunk as I drove to work today. If the cops pulled me over though I could just tell them I am old and lost my glasses so it all works out in the end.  

(9 followers | drink the koolaid)

Legilimens and Impediment Jinx   
12:07pm 07/03/2005
  "The entropy of the universe tends towards a maximum."
- the oft-misinterpreted Second Law of Thermodynamics, Rudolph Clausius.

So chaos, as many people assume, seems to be the way things go, and this weekend felt no different. Things have devolved in the last 72 hours from their believed order. Saturday was as planned as could possibly be, but the night ended not with a bang but a whimper. There is no one to blame for that besides the universe and The Acoustic Dudes, but even sometimes your best attempts are not enough to overcome the mass hypnosis of a lousy time. I do applaud all involved for their efforts however. If not for Saturday, there might still be piles of dishes in my sink instead of a childishly angry roommate fuming over his boiler room discovery. Welcome to your own chaos, pal, I have enough of my own. There was an extra helping of it yesterday when I found that my brother's return from Iraq is now floating in the vortex between Wednesday and Saturday. No worries, he is still coming home, it's just the specifics that are up in the air. Which changes when I will be up in the air. My departure, scheduled for tomorrow, has been pushed back until Wednesday, and my return, though still questionable, is more likely to be on Sunday. But that is where you see the secret, underlying potential for order in the all assumed chaos. Because in a closed system (like the universe), things do not necessarily progress from order to chaos - in fact they often do the opposite. Because any phone numbers would have gone unused and any accepted invitations would have been canceled. Because now I will avoid the weekend whimperings of a whiny washer for a fortnight. Because there are plenty more days to come for good times. Next week will bring my birthday and my honorary birthday (St. Patrick's Day), and with any luck I might survive those to see next weekend. So bring on the chaos, I am in perpetual motion.

(2 followers | drink the koolaid)

in case you didn't believe me the first time   
10:20am 02/03/2005
  winter sucks  

(7 followers | drink the koolaid)

monday morning ramblings and a list of things that suck   
01:20pm 28/02/2005
  It's Monday, I don't want to be at work (this place sucks), so I am going to waste time on here instead.

My brother is out of Iraq and in Kuwait right now, which was awesome to hear this morning. I'll know in the next day or two exactly when he will be back in the States. So I will be in Texas at some point in the next two weeks. What I do know for certain is that he will be back here in New York on leave from March 29th to April 24th so be prepared for ridiculous amounts of partying during that time. And that can mean only one thing...


Yes, there will be multiple trips to Gossip. This is assured. Atlantic City is another must. Tits and gambling, what could be more American?

Well, there is baseball. Somehow I managed to wake up yesterday morning (surprising, after all the beer of Saturday night, but that's another story) and remembered Mets tickets were going on sale at 9 AM. Too bad the internet sucks and I couldn't ever get their site to work right. Fortunately Andrew had better luck than I did and scored tickets for Opening Day and a Mets-Yankees game in May.

No segue to new topic. People keep coming by my window here at work looking to see if the snow has started. Snow sucks and so do these people. The question is, do I try to get out of here when the snow does begin, and possibly get stuck with all the other assholes on the road going 5 mph in rush-hour traffic, or do I stay late at work, go to the gym here, and drive home later, when hopefully there are less people on the road but the weather will most likely be much worse? Not to mention that if the snow is bad later, it ruins my plans to go get new sneakers and go watch 24.

And I need to watch 24 because I need some good TV after the crapfest that was the Oscars last night. I had fun watching it but the show still sucked. And Million Dollar Baby sucks. Clint Eastwood, you used to be cool. Now you have become a smug, crotchety, politicking old dick. First, the whining last year about hobbits. Then all the crappy posturing this year (why did you appear on some golf broadcast last week?) so you could rob Martin Scorsese of a chance to win even though you already won for Unforgiven in 1993(which you won because you deserved it, not because you went out and campaigned for it like this time).

And Chris Rock... well he didnt completely suck but I was still kind of disappointed. I got more laughs from lemonparty.org and Andrew's comment about Paul Giamatti "pulling an Erik" during the best scene of Sideways (again, related to Saturday night).

So, to recap:

things that suck:
the internet
Million Dollar Baby
the 2005 Oscar telecast
Renee Zellweger (forgot to mention how much she sucks)
me being a bitch

things that don't suck:

That's enough rambling for now.

(10 followers | drink the koolaid)

best picture 2006   
10:58am 22/02/2005
  If this don't put a smile on your face then you are a fuckin turd.


(1 follower | drink the koolaid)

09:44am 04/02/2005
  So I am at my cousin's house in Pennsylvania because my shower is broken but when I go to use one of theirs I find that it is also broken and has a lot of concrete dust in it so I go downstairs to use the other one and get yelled at by my aunt but I take a shower anyway and as I am getting ready to leave my cousin makes me check out the pictures that she has of her and Noah Wyle which she keeps in a wallet velcroed around her arm and I tell her they are cool but I have to get to work so I head out but I get hungry during the long commute so before I make it to Port Washington I stop off for some food and it's at Tarallo's except for whatever reason it is laid out like the Seafood Palace that Aaron and I ate at last week and I go inside to get three pizzas and three chicken parm heroes all for myself and Andrew is there working behind the counter and he gets mad at me for the pants I am wearing which apparently he wanted to get but I bought them first so we start arguing and it is jokingly at first but then it gets angrier and we start fighting and then my food comes and I find that he has put onion all over it and I get really pissed and throw the pizzas and two heroes on the ground but I take the third and go over to Andrew and smear the sandwich all over his white clothes which are now covered in tomato sauce so he flips out and other workers have to hold him back from me and I go to get my coat and a pair of boots and try to leave but he has called the cops and they wont let me go and start questioning me but I tell them that he tried to poison me and they see that my lip is chapped on one side and think that he hit me there and I don't dissuade them from this notion so they side with me and take me outside to calm me down and we start talking and they see my CD book which is with me for some reason and ask what I listen to and I tell them I like Public Enemy but they laugh me off and I tell them that I have Apocalypse '91... The Enemy Strikes Black but it is on my other CD book but they believe me and we all start singing Public Enemy songs and watch a parade that is going on in the street behind us and then one of the cop's sisters and her friends come to hang out and I start giving one of them a shoulder rub and she tells me her name is Anna and I tell her that it is a pretty name and then I tell her that she is tight which I meant about her shoulders but she is perverted and starts laughing about it and I tell her thats not what I meant and she says oh well wouldnt you like to know so now I am interested and I kiss her and then she leans back and says that she would love to bang anything right now so I am like let's go and try to go left towards my car but she is like let's go the other way because I have to get my ID so I start walking that way with her but I get suspicious and I say to her forget the ID and start to pull her the other way but she is not budging and thats when I figure out that she is setting me up and that the cops were fake and they are really Andrew's gang hiding in the bushes with him and waiting to jump me and get revenge...

Then I woke up.

What's so unusual is that I remembered this long convoluted dream in such detail since they always seem to fade away so quick. I can figure out where a lot of it comes from - Seafood Palace cause i just ate there, the girl is probably cause I was watching that movie Thirteen last night (it sucked), Public Enemy cause Andrew and I talked about them yesterday - but Noah Wyle? What the fuck is that about?

(9 followers | drink the koolaid)

gotta love the blackout   
12:35pm 16/01/2005
  thanks to whoever got me home last night; if I remembered who it was I would thank you personally but my alcoholism is preventing that from happening. Time to go see if my car is here too.  

(8 followers | drink the koolaid)

is good, yeah?   
03:05pm 14/01/2005
  'Ali G' Comedian Risks Riot at U.S. Rodeo

Rumor is that this is actually for a documentary about life in America... hosted by Borat, everyone's favorite Kazakhstani (Kazakhstanian? Kazakh? Khan?). This would be like, how you say, romance in the retarded vagina, so good.

(drink the koolaid)

merry Christmas to all   
01:00pm 24/12/2004
  "So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The war is so long
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear"

- Happy Xmas (War Is Over), John Lennon

Since I probably won't be able to get at a computer after I leave work (which I am just about to do), let me be the first to wish everyone a merry Christmas and happy holidays, whatever you believe and celebrate. Enjoy the days and the season and remember it's true spirit. Think about the things that other people do for you and think about what you could do for them. Keep your mind and your heart open and try to look at those things that bother or frustrate you from a different angle. You will be amazed at how seeing things from someone else's perspective can cast a new light. Be thankful for the things you have rather than bitter or worried about what you don't. Try to let go of all of your doubts and fears and complaints for a couple of days and just take some time to sit back and appreciate the good things, like the people here who share their lives with you and are there to listen to what you have to say. I know that I am always thankful for that. And so, merry Christmas to all of you.

- Erik

(2 followers | drink the koolaid)

09:15am 21/12/2004
  I had a dream that I called the channel 9 newswoman a stupid nigger because she walked through the screen door on my parents' patio. I didn't know my dreams could be racist.  

(6 followers | drink the koolaid)

Happy birthday, Hebrew Hammer!   
09:07am 17/12/2004
  Thanks for creating an excuse for us to see boobs  

(3 followers | drink the koolaid)

02:49pm 02/12/2004
  I am on the cusp of metamorphosis; the ashes of the phoenix, the burgeoning supernova. I am the harbinger and the prophet. I will blaze the skies and scorch the earth, tear roots asunder and infect the bloodstream. Nothing sacred and nothing safe; no place for shelter and no chance of escape. Light will bend and sound will break and I will stand unharmed and let the Earth quake.

This is where I am. This is my moment, and it is universal. Even infinity will never be the same.

(5 followers | drink the koolaid)

you will never see me again   
10:48am 17/11/2004
  Tina's dad decides to upgrade to HDTV. Cablevision makes separate boxes that are HDTV-compatible, so he has to replace his digital cable box with the new HD one. Who is Tina? Tina is Bill's girlfriend. Who is Bill? Bill is my roommate. Why should I give a shit about any of this? Because Bill proceeded to bring home the old digital cable box... with the programming card still in it. The programming card that has EVERYTHING. All the HBO channels, all the Showtime channels, Cinemax channels, The Movie Channel channels (is that redundant?), Starz, IFC, Sundance, Flix. Every freakin' movie channel that you can possibly get, we now have coming into our house. Oh, and did I mention it's free? That's right. We aren't paying shit for it. So it's been nice knowing you all, but there is a good chance you won't see me again until the clocks turn forward and the sun shines in the evening, if then. But if there is a movie you have always wanted to see, you are more than welcome to come over. Chances are it will be on one of the channels.

PS - I know someone will ask (Andrew, I am looking at you), but no, there is no porn.

(2 followers | drink the koolaid)

12:51pm 03/11/2004
  "Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand"

- "The Second Coming", W.B. Yeats

Dear America,

I hope you are right on this one. I really do.

(drink the koolaid)

11:04am 25/10/2004
  "Justice and lasting peace require the strength of our ideals as well as the strength of our arms."

- John Kerry

That's why he gets my vote.

(6 followers | drink the koolaid)

inane brilliance   
09:34am 21/10/2004
  Andrew: We are gonna have POPEums.
Erik: What?
Andrew: POPEums. You know, those little donut things.
Erik: It's pronounced POPums. Because, like, you pop them in your mouth.
Andrew: No, it's POPEums, because they are "holey".

(2 followers | drink the koolaid)